The Cycle
by angst witch
Summary: Told from two point of views, with different perspectives on the Sakurazukamori. S/S, one-sided S/K, desperate love, and angst in bucket-loads. Part Two up (reloaded because of formatting problems).
1. Reflection

**_Pity…_**

That it has to be this way.

 I really wanted us to end differently, Subaru-kun. Sometimes I wish we weren't pawns of fate. If you were not the Sumeragi head but only an innocent child, and I was not the heartless Sakurazukamori but merely a happy man, then we could be free to do as we wish.  If we were not twin stars on opposite sides, we could be free.

But then again, wishing never got us anywhere, did it?

We were always playing a game, were we not? The game of life: the predator and the prey. It is a dangerous game, Subaru-kun, especially so because I am the predator. Yet you survived. How? You hardly have the power to hold out against me… I could toy with you all I want, leave you like a broken doll and never come back to pick up your pieces. But I always did. So I suppose, in a sense, I spared you.

I had the power to let you live.

_Let us make a bet. When you are ready, we will live together for one year, and if you cannot make me love you by the end of the year, I will kill you._

Remember, Subaru-kun? You were perfect: so innocent, beautiful, and powerful; a dangerous combination, that is. You were also the Thirteenth Head of the Sumeragi Clan. Was that what triggered my mind to make the bet? Maybe. I suppose the bet itself took place because you intrigued me, like a puzzle. But it could have just been my morbid fascination with corrupting the innocence of others and shattering dreams. Or perhaps it was because I truly wanted to feel…

I don't even know. 

The smell of sakura petals, blood, and cigarettes blended together, to form a scent entirely his own- a scent that holds Subaru captive for many years to come.

You amused me greatly, Subaru-kun. To witness your embarrassment and shyness every time I said or did something unexpected. It became my obsession, to play those little mind-games with you. To drop little hints of who I really am, to lead you on and offer you something I won't give, to send you to heaven for one second and condemn you to hell in the next. 

You didn't suspect a thing.

_The blood of the bodies buried under this Tree stains its petals red. The colour of blood._

Then it escalated. My obsession turned from these innocent games to YOU. Everything you did, everything you said, was recorded in my memory to be stored in a little book of everything about you. At first it was fine: you went on in ignorant happiness, and I received satisfaction from watching you. But then the morbid part of my mind started churning: I wondered what would happen if I hurt you. Would you still be the trusting child you were? Would you lose your sanity if I took away the most important thing to you?

Would you still love me?

_Don't they hurt? The bodies under the tree, I mean. Aren't they in pain?_

I fascinated you too, didn't I, Subaru-kun? I with the polite and sophisticated young man with the charm, the charisma, the looks, the mysteriousness. I was well off, with a secure job as a veterinarian. I was the perfect gentleman: courteous and generous. I played my part perfectly. I was always a good actor. You fell in love with me. Of course, I had expected that. What I had not expected was to actually feel the impulse to protect you.

And to be with you.

_Inside the hospital, all was silent. Subaru sat alone in a corner, shaking uncontrollably. Seishirou-san was inside the emergency room right now, because of him._

You felt very guilty after I lost my eye, Subaru-kun. I could sense your guilt and remorse a mile away. That captivated me even further. What was the source of your guilt? I lost the eye protecting you, and it was out of my own choice. I promised to protect you under all circumstances when we made the bet, and I couldn't just stand there and watch you be killed. I'd rather lose an eye that let you be hurt. But that's protectiveness, not love. 

I'm still winning.

_His hand plunged through her chest. Those piercing green eyes, identical to Subaru's, widened. First in pain, then in calm, and at last acceptance. Her last sentence rang in his ears._

_Thank you, Sei-chan._

I would not have killed Hokuto if she had not asked me to, Subaru-kun. I did not want to kill her. Sure, I entertained the thought sometimes: what if I took your sister away from you? What if I took the two most precious people in your life away? What would happen? But I never would have done it if she had not asked, pleaded me to. She shocked me. Why is it that she wanted to sacrifice herself for you? It's the same reason I lost my eye, I suppose.

We would both do anything for you.

_You are a Dragon of Heaven, to protect and preserve mankind. I am a Dragon of Earth, and I will destroy all you are fighting to protect. We are twin stars. It goes on._

We were opposites, Subaru-kun. We ARE opposites. Light and dark, day and night, innocence and corruption, an angel and a demon. That just became clearer when we both took up our roles as Dragons. It amused me to no end when I realized that we were twin stars. It still shocked me a little for some reason, because I had expected it.  Our little game escalated to a new level, and the fate of mankind now could be affected by us. 

I take pride in being the cause for your falling from grace.

_Seishirou stared. Was this the innocent and beautiful child whose radiance of power caught his eyes nearly a decade ago? Subaru took a drag on his cigarette. _

_Two can play at this game, Seishirou-san._

I used to know you so well, Subaru-kun. You were such a transparent person, and you could never keep any secrets. Your eyes betrayed everything. That was nine years ago. You have changed a lot, but the most significant change is your eyes. Those piercing green orbs are now covered by a layer of grey, shielding your thoughts and emotions from me. Another thing that caught my attention was the cigarette in your hand. It amused me; you always find a new way to amuse me.

Trying to become me is not going to help you win.

_I fulfill Wishes, Sumeragi. It is part of my power as the Kamui. And I see your Wish. It will be fulfilled. Blood poured down Subaru's face as he screamed. Yet he thanked Fuuma, for balancing the scales._

You have no idea how furious I was with Fuuma, Subaru-kun. I wanted to kill him for doing that to you, even though he is the Kamui of the Dragons of the Earth, even though he was so much more powerful than me. Would you believe that he came sauntering in through the doors with that irritating maniacal smirk on his face, and his hands dripping blood? Only the Sakurazukamori should be entitled to have that effect. He came up to me, looking calm and evil, and told me your Wish has been fulfilled.

For the first time in my life, I was scared- for you.

_Our game continues, Subaru-kun. It will never end; it will go on, forever and ever..._

_Ah, Seishirou-san, forever means nothing to me anymore. Time lost its meaning when you took away my world._

Ah, that was your unspoken challenge to me, was it not, Subaru-kun? I suppose that gave you the strength to continue. Still, it does not matter. I will win in the end anyways. After all, the scales are not even: for you to win our game, all you need to have gained is my love; but for me to win, you would be living in a nightmare worse than death. I would torture you endlessly to satisfy my own wonders: to see when your faith in goodness and your love for me will end. Not that I ever wanted to hurt you, of course. But I always ended up making you cry.

I never would choose to hurt you, but I always do.

_Seishirou-san. Soon, it will be the final battle between us. Again, you have the power over my life. Let me live in the deadened state that I am, or kill me and make me happy for the last time. It's entirely your choice. I'm yours, to keep or to destroy, as I always have been._

That was your victory, Subaru-kun, whether you know it or not. To have stunned me into shocked silence and to have the power to walk away for once, that was all you ever wanted. To give me a taste of my own medicine. For once, only once in the entire 10 years playing our dangerous games, you won. You showed me how much being walked away from hurt. Only then did I realize that this was over, and YOU had the power to walk away and say that you've had enough. I was the one left alone. You are not going to come back, begging me to love you.

I may have won the battles, but you won the war.

_They stood there on Rainbow Bridge, looking at each other. So different, yet so alike. Twin stars, like black and white, contrasting and complementing each other. This ends now._

Everything came surging back to me when I saw you, Subaru-kun. All those emotions and feelings and thoughts that tangled themselves up in my head and tried to drive me insane, nearly knocked me out when I saw you again. Why do you suddenly have this effect on me? I'm supposed to be the one in control.. How is it that you broke the Seal of the Sakurazukamori? How are you both my curse and my salvation at the same time? I hate you.

No, I don't.

_Go on, Seishirou-san, kill me. Do what you set out to do nine years ago. You can finish what you started right now, without a fight. I want you to do this._

I'm not in control of myself anymore, Subaru-kun. My entire body is racing. My thoughts, feelings, everything, they're rushing out of me, trying to get out. I wanted to save you, protect you, have you, be with you, kill you, hate you, hurt you, all at the same time. I want you, more than anything else; but you're the angel I can never reach, even though I did bring you down, cause you to fall from grace. I'm losing my sanity, I'm on the brink of my conscience, and the only thought I can hang on to is that I must save you from myself. But the only way to save you is to hurt you, one last time.

I apologize for everything I have done.

_He reached out with a malicious smile on his face. Always the perfect actor. Subaru anticipated the impact and the pain… but only emptiness came. He opens his eyes and smiles…_

_Thank you, Hokuto._

I can hear my heartbeat, Subaru-kun. And I can feel your heart beat with me, your tears rain pouring down your face and drowning me as my blood pours out and drowns you. Even at the end, I win. Even though I don't live, you suffer more than I do. Even though you have my love, I have the last laugh. I wanted to smile in satisfaction, but then I realized that watching you suffer is not what I want. 

I'm sorry I told you the truth. It hurt you more than all my lies.

_"Subaru-kun, I love you."_

Those were my last words to you.

Pity…

That they came too late.


	2. Revelation

I stand in the shadows, alone. Always alone. The busy streets of Tokyo are filled with people, rushing to their destination, and not giving me a second glance or thought. I smile; it is a gift to be invisible when I do my job. I am waiting for my next victim…

The Sakurazukamori will strike tonight. Soon.

Then I see him, walking into Ueno Park, a solitary pale figure against the dark drape of the night. It has been three months since we last met, although it feels much longer than that. I remember him crying, begging for my love, and for me to stay. It's quite pathetic, really…

I follow him, without making a sound. I am as invisible and silent as ever. I scan the spacious park with my one good eye, and I spot him. He's standing under the sakura tree. Our sakura tree, with its blood red petals. He seems oblivious to this world: probably taking a walk down memory lane. He smiles, but there is not happiness in that smile. Only bitterness. He does not even notice when I move to stand right behind him in order to better observe him. Touched by pain but not corrupted by it. Beautiful, but the beauty does not bring joy. Innocent, yet too mature for his age. Powerful, but powerless against the tides of fate. Hopeless, yet still wishing for what will never be. He really is a wondrous sight. 

I take one last drag of my cigarette as I step forward into the light to reveal myself, then I let it drop on to the ground.

"Are the sakura petals not beautiful?"

He jumps in surprise, and flinches when he recognizes my voice. He turned slowly- almost hesitantly- to me, with too many emotions to name on his pale face. Still transparent as ever, I observe absently.

"S- S- Sakurazukamori."

Oh, titles instead of actual names now. I should think he's trying to prove he doesn't care. How cute… and he still stutters whenever I'm involved. Maybe he hasn't changed much.

"Do you still remember the story I told you a long time ago? The tale of this sakura tree?"

"Yes. Of course. I remember everything you ever told me."

I smiled again, and he cringed again. I suppose my one good eye made everything I do seem creepy and unnatural.

He is looking at me with that haunted and empty expression in those beautiful eyes of his. Those innocent eyes that were once so transparent and clear. Now they are clouded, shielded rather, by too much hurt: pain, anger, hopelessness, and most of all the love unrequited. 

For he wants something that I cannot – and will not even if I can – give. I am the Sakurazukamori, whose heart is not his to give to whom he wishes.

"Why must you leave us? Leave me? I would rather die by your hands a million times than live without you in my life! You know that all too well. I would do anything, anything at all, for you to come back and kill me. I'm marked, to be yours- "

"No."

I almost laugh. Instead, I satisfy myself with the Sakurazukamori smirk.

"Marked? You dare talk to me about markings? I never marked you, I merely chose you. You are not marked as mine, but merely chosen as a victim of the Sakurazukamori- for the future, right now, it doesn't matter. You are only another innocent soul to be lost someday at my hands. Do you understand? You. Mean. NOTHING."

I can pinpoint exactly the moment when the realization set in. his face contorts in pain, as he struggles to not burst into tears. Young, naïve, and tainted.

"I am… nothing?" I can hear the strain in his voice as he attempts to keep it steady, "I am nothing to you. Someone of no value, not even good enough to be your toy…"

Toy. Yes, the Sakurazukamori has many "toys". 

"That's right. You are nothing to me. Go back to your friends; I do not wish to kill you tonight. Soon, though. Soon, I might come looking for you… Best be on your guard, no? Although not as if that will matter. I will strike when I mean to, and none ever has or ever will escape.

Until then, goodbye. Do not come and look for me."

He has stood frozen (as if in a daze) for a few seconds, giving me time to walk away with a rewarding smile to myself. I am a good actor. A feat I genuinely prize myself on.

But then he cried out.

"I do not care if you are the Sakurazukamori! You are still the kind Sumeragi-san I once knew! I still love you!"

He shocked me. Not with the intensity of his words nor the desperation in his voice, but with the absolute sense of déjà vu it brought to me. Had I not screamed out those exact same empty words once? Empty words for an empty shell, where no senses exist, and no will to live still burns. Empty words that are a desperate grasp to try and save the sugar- coated dreams from tumbling down to my feet. Empty words that mean nothing; nothing to my Seishirou-san, and nothing to me.

Just as he means nothing to me. Because the only meaning in life that still exists for me is Seishirou-san.

I stand still for exactly three seconds, to let him think that his words had the effect he hoped to achieve. Then I move into the shadows of the night, swiftly and silently. He must be heartbroken right now. I am sorry, Kamui.

That is the price to pay for falling in love with the Sakurazukamori.

I swiftly make my way to another part of Tokyo. The slums: dirty, deserted, and dangerous, with the highest crime rates. It really would be the perfect place to find my victims, if not for the disgusting conditions it is in. I do not go there unless I want to finish a job quickly. 

I work quickly. I do not like taunting and teasing my victims before killing them, because I suppose I still do maintain a thread of the morality I once had. The only feat that Seishirou-san possessed which I had not yet perfected. I must get rid of it sometime; this is becoming a drawback. 

I spot a lone young man, wandering the alleys aimlessly. He must think he is really tough, with the leather jacket and the black clothes. He has that sneer on his face, the sneer that clearly states: "I'm above this all. Nothing and no one can touch me."

We will soon see about that. 

I tap him on the shoulder, and he spins around. Rather off-balance. I glance swiftly into his eyes. Clouded and unfocused. He must be either drunk or high on drugs. This is too easy. Fate seems to want to be good to me tonight. He grumbles something incoherent, and swings his fist at my face. But in the second before it actually connected with my face, my hand had plunged into his chest and ripped out his heart. Not fast enough for the Sakurazukamori.

A pool of blood is already gathering underneath the corpse. I lift him and begin walking back to Ueno Park. The Tree is waiting for me. The park is empty. Well, of course it would be. It is past midnight already. I drop the body with a thud, and watch as the tree greedily prepares to begin its feast.

_I want to see him tonight. _My hands are still dripping blood, but I am beyond caring about that. There are more important matters at hand. I take out the pocket knife that I always carry with me. Always with me, no matter what. It is like the drug I take to endure life.

I roll up my sleeves. Layer after layer of clothing. Seishirou-san's black trench coat which I adopted, my sweater, shirt… underneath it all is my pale flesh. Pale, smooth, glistening under the cold moon like porcelain. I raise the blade and hold it under the light. It too shines with an unearthly glow. I run the sharp blade against my arm in one swift motion. 

I suddenly feel as if I am falling, deeper and deeper into a pair of warm and waiting arms. I look up, and as expected, Seishirou-san is smiling down at me. My Seishirou-san, as handsome and perfect as ever, even in death. 

"I came back, to find you. I need to be with you."

He smiles at me again, and he speaks in a soft voice. "I know, Subaru-kun. I know. I will be waiting for you."

He leans down and kisses me, deep and passionate. I want to hold on and never let go, to just kiss him, to fall into him, to be with him, to fall…

And suddenly it is all over. My moment of consolation and happiness has ended. Dazed, I look down at my arm, and I can see a perfect cut: smooth and thin. The cleansing pain it brings is a rush of adrenaline, a dangerous addiction. I can see the blood flowing out now, deep wine red against my deathly white skin. Someday I might die from doing this, but it does not matter. Nothing matters except for the fact that by doing this I can be with my Seishirou-san, even for a few moments, even if it costs my life. Because my life is not mine anymore. 

Sumeragi Subaru has died. In his place there is only the Sakurazukamori, killing for a desperate cause.

That's Part Two: Revelation, from Subaru-kun's point of view. Part Three (Kamui's chapter) will be up next, so be patient!


End file.
